That is a type of tequila actually…  LoL

But it is also a Nine (9) number.  Nine is a number of completion.  It is usually reserved for when we have accomplished something.  When we have obtained success in a matter.  Generally business related.  But I like to think that it is also in our spiritual paths as well.  Most of my “Ah Ha!!” moments happen on Nine days.

My life path is changing so rapidly I am having Nine days – almost every nine days! I sometimes can’t believe that its March already, and yet, when I think back to just last week, I was hanging out with Kreed just a week ago – and it feels like a Month has passed since I was being hugged by her. Again, that whole Time-Relativity thing is happening, still. Of course when I was with her, I had another Nine day…. Figures.

Some really auspicious occurrences in my life have a happened on Nine Days. Daphne’s birth. The day that I graduated from Willy. The day that I met Tigger and Christopher. The day I quit college and moved west. The day that I chose to be born.

I can’t wait to find out what happens on the next big Nine Day.

Opening emails these days is just like opening a can of worms. *sigh*

I guess that’s what’s bound to happen when you never change your email account. LoL People will pop up out of nowhere, when you least expect it. Not that it was some horrid person, or even a horrible email. Vauge, yes. Menacing, no.

That said, I could have just ignored it. I probably should have. The last time I got tangled up in this, I got hurt really badly. Guess that’s bound to happen too… a side-effect to opening up your heart.

Well, I didn’t. I replied. I think I did a good job of just keeping it up-beat, and casual. Afterall, there is a history with this person, and a frienship that has been a blessing to me, at many points in my life’s journey. Guess I owed them that. As for the future though… who knows. Do I want a future relationship? I haven’t had much in the last few years. And I could have really used one… but they weren’t available to me. Should their lack of availability be held against them? I don’t know that, that’s fair either. Life happens. To each of us.

I think this is going to be one of those situations I’m going to just let “fly in the wind”. I seriously don’t have the time to wonder, worry, or debate in my head; what this person is possibly thinking. Knowing what I do know about them, has me sure that its some sort of set-up. A set-up for something, that will become overly-dramatic, and burn me, if I play into it.

So why play into it?

Today’s Horoscope:

Today is a very good day for you to separate the good people in your life from the bad people in your life. You have the time you need, and recent events have given you the information you need to make that distinction. Friendships are not always meant to last for your entire life — the role you play in their life, and the role they play in yours, must be a positive one. When it stops being so, then the nature of the role must change — or the role must be recast.

I’ve been dwelling on friendships lately. This fits my mood just right, especially today.

I know that all relationships have a specific lifetime. Some last longer than others. Some are a hot and firey burst of heat. Others slowly simmer for decades. But no relationship, friendship or lover, is meant to last forever. I may have the time, but I also know that decisions must be made. Dragging my feet, will not get me any closer. I know that pride has played a big part in my dilemma. Not only my own. But still, it did cause the positive roles we played once, to be thrown aside and disregarded.

That all said, I am in a situation that the Universe seems to be pushing me towards, and no matter how much I would like to find a way around it, it keeps getting thrust right in my face. I have not been idle, doing journaling; and praying, and lots and lots and lots of thinking; about what to choose. I’ve tried going around. Over. Under. But nothing is working to get me a better solution. The safe solution. The best solution. The right solution.

If I do what is the most obvious path, I will undoubtedly have my intentions, mis-read. I will end up with more hurt feelings. I will be sitting there looking like a complete fool. Having again, allowed someone to enter in my shell, and throw my heart up against the wall. Yet my heart will not stray from this path. No matter how I try.

How do I reconcile what my heart tells me, with what my pride says?

Go ahead, Marcella, want it all.
Just learn to be happy befor it arrives, or you may not notice when it does.

PS: Hurry Marcella, it won’t be long!

I am happy. I am so worth the love that I am blessed with. The friendships that are popping up and supporting me. Giving me some really good words to think about. Being a voice to the things in my head – that my heart needs to consider.

I’m so grateful that those lessons are done. Blessings upon the people of my past, for having given me the lessons I needed. And gratitude to Life!

It has been shedding me of things / people / ideas that were “Old”. That were not helping me to grow. That were holding me back from this beautiful life I get to live. While at the time I wasn’t happy to have them taken away from me – I’m so full of joy now that they were.

Thank you to those people who have left / faded out / run away / and stormed off in anger. I am so grateful that you chose that path. I wish you blessings upon blessings on the path you are on for yourself. And that its a wonderful and happy as the one that I’m on for me.

Yeah, I’m missing people in my life. I wish that I could change the way people react, and choose to live, but I can’t. I have to let them go. Allow them to let the poison of a single moment continue to ruin a lifetime of beauty.

double *sigh*

You’re gonna love this…
Tigger ‘unfriended’ me.
I noticed this morning that my friends’ # was down by 1.
And the childishness continues…

I wonder if it will take her 6 months this time to come seeking me out again…
or maybe longer.
Wonder if I should even try again when she does.
I gotta say that I’m tired of being the person that she can ‘dump on’ and I’ll still lick her hand.

My dear friend was laughing with me today about his… They said, “Ya know, this all seems to have gone way past reasonable.”

Ya think?
No freaking shit.
I haven’t physically spoken to her since February when she yelled at me and hung up…
There have been a total of 5 text messages… (3 for me / 2 for her)
And 3 emails. (1 from me / 2 for her)

I’ve apologized 9 differnt ways to Sunday…
At what point does she hear them?
At what point do I stop caring?

Of course my friend, my sweet friend, reminded me, while I was laminting to them.

You never stop caring cause you are a good person.
you just let her be and wish her the best
no grudges
Forgivness is devine

Which I guess is true. I do wish her the best. I have never stopped wishing that for anyone. Especially her. And I can’t carry a grudge – its too tiresome.

I have forgiven her….
She’s the one who’s holding the grudge…
I just don’t know that I should ‘forget’ this time.

So I’m let it go and move on to the next good thing. I’m turning it into a whole day for Marcella… massage / pedi / mani / and even a good hair washing and styling at the salon….
I’m turning into such a “girl”….

Sunday, since none of the kids have anything planned – an amazing feat these days let me tell you! With 2 teenaged girls – 1 pre teenaged girl who is the world’s biggest social butterfly – and Russell. Having a day that all of them will be home – even if it involved having a couple of “extras” is a pretty amazing occurance…. so I’m planning “Beach Day”.

Today’s Horscope:

You are not responsible for making other people happy — you can only support them in their quest to find their own bliss. So don’t buy a ticket for that guilt trip a friend or relative is trying to send you on! Don’t react emotionally to this person’s plight. Your compassion is admirable, but you can’t let it force you to do things that you really don’t think are healthy for you. Be a good friend by keeping yourself emotionally healthy and content.

I needed this little reminder. Thank you so much!!!! *hugs*
I am NOT responsible for Tigger’s anger and hurt. It is not my fault that she can’t or won’t move on. I have done everything I was supposed to do. I’m done feeling bad for her bad mood. She will have to fend for herself. Find someone else to take all of the blame for her hurt feelings.

I really isn’t healthy for me to have so much angst regarding how to get her happy again. I’ve been drowning in her hurt and its time for me reach back up the surface for air.

I think that I’ll take the advice: and just do what I need to keep myself emotionally healthy and happy.