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Ever just Love ❤ another soul, soooooooooooooo much, that your heart will burst?
Ever have that person who holds you up, and smacks you in the ass, when you need it…. at the same time?
Ever know as person, who’s very walk, inspires you to try and become a better woman?
I’m am so Very Blessed that these 3 people, live, walk, talk, and love inside of this woman.
I’m beyond Grateful that she calls me, Sister.

 

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So after talking to J, the girls’ therapist, I’m going to give Daphne what she wants. I’m going to let her move-in with her dad.

After all, I will be out of town this weekend, till Tuesday. I can add on tonight, and make it nearly a week long thing for them all.

Oh yes. Them all!

A few things about this that came up in talking with J.

1) Baggage goes with you.
Is that Daphne (and her dad) have got to learn that her baggage is going to follow her, wherever she goes. Life doesn’t get easier just because you move away from home. You still have to find ways to cope with your life. You still have to learn how to express your emotions. You still have to do your homework. No matter where you live.

Sure its going to be easier when there is nobody around to hold you accountable, right up front. Yet, it will catch up to you all the same. Usually though by not dealing with it, in the beginning, you end up having to deal with a much worse situation. Call it Karmic Interest.

2) Your siblings get to move out too.
Oh yes. Rebecca, Bronwyn, and Russell all get to come along. Its not fair to them, if Daphne gets to go live a live of luxury over at Dad’s place, and they still have to eat green beans for dinner. I’m not going to sit here and defend the idea that somehow she gets to have special privileges of no Study Hall, no curfew, fast-food take-out, no laundry duty, no chores, and no accountability for where you’re at, or who you’re with; if the others don’t.

The EX complained that he doesn’t get to spend time enough with the kids, well here you go. Which is a complete falsehood, because it is rare, to non-existent that I ever deny him, or them, time together. He even admitted this to me during our “conversation” this morning. AND again, when I brought it up, while we were having an additional “conversation” about this Trial Week.
Me: At any point do I force the current child-time-share agreement?
Ex: No.
Me: Have I ever told you that you were late in bringing the kids home on a Sunday?
Ex: No.
Me: Have I ever told you, No you can’t have the kids, and take to the beach; because that is on a weekday?
Ex: No.

3) Living at Dad’s means Living AT Dad’s.
No coming home 9 times in a day because you forgot something. No coming back to the house to sleep on school nights. Yes, Rebecca and Daphne do this. They pick and choose where / when they will sleep at home, vs sleeping at Dad’s. They don’t like having to walk the extra 7 blocks to the school bus in the mornings. But sleeping here at home, when I’m not here; is basically not living with either parent. Its living alone. They don’t get to do that during this Trial Week.

Living there means following all of Dad’s rules. If that means going to bed at midnight, or sleeping on the floor, or having to throw out the trash. So be it. I will not be driving by your Dad’s with fast food, because you didn’t like what he was serving. Oh, he does this to me, all the time. He will simply come by the house with a bag from Taco Bell, as I’m serving dinner.

So this will be a very interesting 6 nights. I know, I know, I know – a week is 7. Be grateful for the 6 days, I’m not sure I can handle more than that. I’m trying.

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Okay so I know that things are up in the Universe because the Ex and I are getting along. Or maybe its just my attitude. Or this way in which I am trying to be a better person. I have a few relationships that I know need some working on. The one with the Ex-husband, is one of those. So I am trying to be kinder. Nicer.

I start with things like asking about his girlfriend. I know that Rhonda is not going anywhere. She is a part of his life, and therefore a part of my kids’ lives. So we might as well get along. I can start by just asking about her health. She has fought cancer in the last couple of years, and so I want to acknowledge that. To be kind about her. Ask about her. I don’t think I will be taking her a casserole any time soon. But this is a start.

Talking last night with Barry on the phone I even went so far as to offer to skip Russell’s baseball game on Thursday night. I know that Rhonda would like to see him play, but that she won’t go if I’m there. I can’t say that she doesn’t like me, because I cannot assume what she likes, and doesn’t. I can only say that she feels uncomfortable around me, because she did the one time that we met.

With regards to his payment of things for the kids. He’s making an effort. I appreciate when he sends the Child Support, but I don’t rely on it for the payment of any actual household bills. I would like to see him reimburse me for things like all of the back-to-school stuff, but I know that without a steady job, that makes it hard. I won’t go into him not working, as that has always been a sore subject between us. I have faith that when he has the money, he will do right by me.

We even talked about that issue, and are making a list of the funds each of us has paid out, on the children’s behalf since August. He regaled me with the stories of the latest clown-like proceedings for Pop’s probate. I told him my advice, and then told him, “I should just shut up. Its not my place to get involved. We always had that agreement, you would deal with your family, and I would deal with mine.” I even went onto reassure him, after he was talking about his brother and the situation that this puts him into. “Pop trusted you to do the right thing. I have faith that you will make good decisions there.”

When it comes to the kids I think that it is better there. He wants to see them more, and so I try to create situations that will allow that. He tells me that I need to go and do things for myself, and so I try not to feel badly about asking him to watch his own children. I’m trying when it comes to that. I feel like he’s still trying to buy their love, instead of giving them the structure that they need. So long as I’m around to provide that to them most of the time, it should work out in the long run.

We communicate well on each of the children’s needs and behaviors. He seems to be more interested in listening to how they are doing, rather than pointing out to me how I am getting it wrong. Like study hall, and food choices. He even agrees with me that Daphne should have to be responsible for the repairs of her phone. That my forcing her to pay for half of them, and allowing her to make the choices on how its repaired, is fair.

WoW! Right? He agreed with me.

So I like to think that perhaps this newer way of looking at my life is going to be a great thing for everyone. Even for my Ex-husband, whom I told today, “Hey! You know what? You aren’t bad as an ex-husband. You’re pretty good.”
Ex: “Yeah, I’ve heard that from a few gals.”
Me: “Wait, you mean I’m not your only ex-wife.”

We both laughed.

It goes back to when we were engaged, and my father that that Barry had an ex-wife. Barry and I decided not to get married in the church. I was no longer a practicing Catholic, and he wasn’t much of anything. Daddy thought that the reason we weren’t getting married in the church was because that Barry had already been married once. LoL

Seriously, I would give him a recommendation, as an Ex-husband.