pedestal

So first off – they are lonely places. High up, away from the rest of the world, they are colder usually than down on the ground. There’s never enough room to fit more than one (1) person, so it gets sorta lonely up there. Its boring too. Nothing to do but really sit there, and try not to fall off.

The second part is that they hurt when you do fall off. And you’re gonna fall off. Eventually everyone falls off the pedestal that they’ve been put on. You can’t stay up there forever. Something is bound to happen that throws off the balance that you are keeping, in trying to stay up there on the damn thing. Oppsy-Daisy, we all fall down. When falling down off of the pedestal, not only do you get hurt – but generally you manage to smack into the person who put you up there to begin with.

I got smacked in the head this morning. And it hurt.

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SOLAR ECLIPSE New Moon in Scorpio October 23rd 2014~

A Partial SOLAR ECLIPSE / NEW MOON in Scorpio is here on October 23rd 2014. It is at zero degrees Scorpio thus signaling a time of completion and initiation. Scorpio is keen about seeing the truth and if we can be truthful with ourselves about really seeing and releasing our the karmic loops, we have great opportunity to complete some aspect of our lives and begin a new phase. Relationships with others and with Self have great potential for expansion and for breakthrough.
Here are the MYSTIC MAMMA Astral Insights from the our beloved featured astrologers bringing their illuminating wisdom…
First from the insightful CATHY PAGANO from her Wisdom of Astrology:

“This week’s Scorpio New Moon is also a partial solar eclipse, visible in most of North America and eastern Asia. A solar eclipse occurs when the Sun, Moon and Earth align and we see the Moon moving across the face of the Sun.
“This alignment disrupts the usual flow of solar energy, dissolving old energy and behavior patterns so something new can manifest.
“At a solar eclipse, we get to see the planting of the solar seed in the New Moon’s womb, and are therefore more conscious of what the possibilities are for this cycle. As you can see, solar eclipses create extra powerful New Moons, marking times of major endings and new beginnings to an aspect of your life…”
“Scorpio wants us to feel what the right action is to take, and that means seriously looking into the unconscious to understand what we really feel and want out of life. Not what we think we should want. Not what we’ve been told to want. But what we truly desire.
“And that means understanding our feelings of vulnerability and our fears concerning betrayal, violence, rejection and self-worth, and the unconscious defense mechanisms which keep us from our authentic truth.”
“…Scorpio’s strength is that it isn’t afraid of the Dark, and so when the Sun is in Scorpio, it is a perfect time to look at our Shadows and see what we’ve been in fear of, suppressing and repressing.”
“When we can look within and see how those stuck emotional patterns keep us from what we truly want in life, we can consciously choose to shed those old patterns like a snake skin. What may have protected us in the past no longer serves our on-going life and we have to die to an old way of being and acting, to be re-born to a higher level of consciousness.”
“…When we go through dark times, we often feel alone. But Spirit is always helping us, even when we don’t recognize it. Fortunately, for this solar eclipse, we will recognize the touch of Spirit, with Neptune in Pisces forming the closest aspect, a lucky trine (120*), to this super-packed New Moon.
“Neptune in Pisces surrounds us with compassion as we go through our releases, and then gives us a strong hit of imagination to help us create new patterns. What do you want to feel like? How do you want to act with others?
“If you want courage, imagine the goddess Sekhmet guarding you as a magical lioness. If you need self-love, imagine Mother Mary holding you in her loving embrace. If you need to forgive, ask Kuan Yin (she who listens to the sounds of suffering of the world) to open your heart…”
© Copyright 2014 ~CATHY PAGANO. All Rights Reserved

From the wonderful DIPALI DESAI and her Celestial Space Astrology:

“This New Moon/Solar Eclipse in Scorpio has a mysterious and potentially alluring quality to it as it makes a conjunction (team-like aspect) to Venus in Scorpio (the planet that symbolizes love, creative expression and relationships). Get ready to be drawn in and then plummet into the mysterious realm of rich feelings and emotional intimacy in a fresh new way…”
“Taking a closer look at Venus transiting through the astrological sign of Scorpio, the symbolism suggests the potential of profound magnetic quality when it comes to love, intimacy and relationships.
“However keep in mind that with this placement of Venus in the alluring sign of Scorpio, there is also a mystery or at times the high level of control occurring of exposing vulnerability and emotions when it comes to love. Venus in Scorpio does not let just any random stranger in. It is a highly selective process of opening up and taking a chance.
“If there you create a safe, trust filled space, the potential quality of Venus in Scorpio is that it will help you dive right into the all or nothing expression. The potential with Venus in Scorpio connecting to the New Moon/Solar Eclipse in Scorpio is ‘expressing your feelings of tenderness and love is the ultimate strength, enhances trust and will deepen intimacy.’ It is learning to trust yourself, so you are able to more fully trust another.”
“…The New Moon/Solar Eclipse in Scorpio is sure to leave its extreme emotional imprint of new beginnings upon the heart energy. It almost dares each to go into the unknown and expose new parts of self which are waiting in the wings desiring expression.
“There is potential to expand trust and empowerment. For some people, this time period may be a rising up from the symbolic ashes of purification and emerging into a new way of being in intimate relationships (including with self). Feel into the energy of re-birth, resurrection and rising up with empowerment. This is an extraordinary phase, use the potential to its fullest.
“Set your 1 clear intention. Go into your emotional level and ask….what is the next step of empowerment? Plant the symbolic seed or habit within the subconscious and take action to support and nurture it until fruition. “I AM an Empowered Conscious Being” is a wonderful statement to use now.
© Copyright 2014 ~DIPALI DESAI . All Rights Reserved

From the always inspiring KELLEY ROSANO:

“This is the last Scorpio eclipse unit 2032. It is a busy day in the heavens. The Sun and Venus move into Scorpio. Then there is the New Moon…”
“This New Moon Eclipse is at zero degrees Scorpio. This is also a time of completion. Eclipses can place your feet firmly on a new path. The effect can last months and years. As something ends in your life something new will begin…”
“Scorpio rules truth and the emotional truth. Scorpio is one of the most powerful signs in the zodiac… Scorpio is the eagle. The eagle will soar above the drama where many folks are entangled.
“This detachment provides Scorpios the ability to see the big picture. This empowers them to get to the source of the problem…The phoenix is highest level of Scorpio. It is a magical bird. The phoenix rises from the ashes of the past to be born again.”
“…Scorpios are extremely loyal. They love deeply and seek the same in return. They will protect those they love. Wherever Scorpio lands in your natal birth chart is where you want to dive deep into the house issues.
“You are being asked to have a deep involvement. Get to the core of the affairs and understand their meaning for you. There is no greater mystery to solve than the mystery of the real you. Be your own detective and discover you….”
“This is a magical New Moon. The reason is Neptune is in Pisces. It is in harmony with the Sun, Moon and Venus in Scorpio. This is a healing energy. This eclipse could increase your psychic abilities. Pay attention to messages the Universe is sending you. Messages can come from animals, people and your Inner Being.
“This eclipse could expand your creativity. You could see solutions to long range problems. There is a synchronicity to this dynamic. You could be in the right place at the right time. Doors open up for you. Pay attention to your dreams. They could reveal important information for you. Listen to your intuition. It is strong now. The mind can fool you. Your intuition, your gut instincts will never fail you. The body is the messenger. What is your body telling you?”
“…There are no ugly aspects to this Scorpio Eclipse. This is good news. Wherever Scorpio lands in your natal birth chart is where you are completing things. You are also getting a new start here.
“The Scorpio Eclipse may ignite your fears. Embrace your fears. Hug the heck out of these little demons. This will diminish their hold over you. Remember that you are stronger than any problem or challenge that comes your way. Use your inner strength and fortitude to carry you.
“Do not indulge in negative thinking. You cannot afford this luxury. You create more problems for yourself when you allow your mind to be in negative thoughts. The Law of Attraction is matching your energy…Focus on what is working. Focus on the good in your life.Choose love not fear. Be strong. Keep your mind healthy and focused on the positive. This will create what you want. You are a powerful creator. Use your mind to create the life you love and desire.”
“…Communication will get back on track. Yeah! Mercury moves direct on October 25. This will help with relationships and negotiations…”
“Be in appreciation for all the good in your life. Say aloud, ‘Thank you universe for the new opportunities that are now in my life.’ This is a good mantra.”
© Copyright 2014 ~KELLEY ROSANO. All Rights Reserved

From the wonderful DIVINE HARMONY:

“The Dark Goddess features prominently in the Solar Eclipse chart. Mean Black Moon Lilith (BML) is conjunct Dark Moon Lilith and square to Saturn and Ceres in Scorpio. There is some deep, intense, underwordly energy coming up to be addressed and looked at in family dynamics and in how we treat Mother Earth (Ceres is the Earth Mother).”
“…Asteroid Lilith is conjunct retrograde Mercury and opposite Uranus- activating the lower mind/Higher mind opposition that is exact on Saturday when Mercury stations direct. This aspect begs the question ‘What is Truth?’ and further ‘How do I communicate and align with my Truth?’ When Uranus is involved we have wild card energy- so this weekend we’d all do well to expect the unexpected and stay open to sudden shifts, changes and/or unexpected information to come to Light.
“With so much Dark Goddess in the chart- we are asked to face our own shadows and our tendency to express unhealed, unwhole Dark Goddess energy in the form of victim or tyrant. Ultimately the journey with the Dark Goddess is one of empowerment- which comes when we are so deeply anchored within ourselves and within Mother Earth that we know who we are, why we are here and what we need to do with our lives.
“The journey with the DG is not one of ease, but it is one of importance and deep meaning. With her energetic signature all over the chart- we’d do well to acknowledge our place in this journey and see what we can do to further it, rather than get stuck in the muck of our karma and refuse to budge ;)”
“…We all have an area of our chart that this eclipse degree falls…if you happen to have any planets around 28/29 libra to 3/4 scorpio- factor that in when you are thinking about where you are blasting through the karmic glass ceiling- ready to move past what has previously held you back (maybe for lifetimes).This is deep stuff- and powerful astrology- so be sure to use it wisely!”
© Copyright 2014 ~DIVINE HARMONY. All Rights Reserved

© 2010-2013 mystic mamma. All Rights Reserved.

What if I feel like all 3?
I want to be empowered with Self-Love.
I long to Forgive.
I need to courage to Change.

I know that I have it within me to take that leap of faith. To make the changes that will lead me to the next level of growth. That will bring me into a greater level of beauty in all the aspects of my life.

Its taking the first step off of the cliff that freaks me out.

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I’m frustrated.
Irritated.
Trying to get everything done for every one.
Forgetting things.
Running out of time.
So many pulls, so many different directions.

I’m looking over what Chonteau and I talked about.
It’s all about ME!

So how is this all about me?

I want to live simpler. More authentic.
The Universe is trying to help me. I know it. Pushing to give me what I want. What will make me truly happy. But I have all of these obligations. Demands on my time.

I told a friend today, “No.” It really bothered me to say that to her. She wasn’t asking much, but I still said “No, I can’t do that.” I offered her other alternatives. A different day. I know that it wasn’t easy for her to ask me either. Yet, I wanted to respect my self, and my boundaries, and what I needed for me. I told her, “No.”.

Why Did that bother me?

Because I don’t want her to not like me. I don’t want her to think that I am not here for her. That I am not a good friend.

I want to be a good friend. Being a good friend means being there for them. Helping them. Doing what you can for them.

If the roles were reversed. I would not think bad of her. I would understand. I would respect her for taking care of herself. I would be okay.

So why do I think so little of myself for doing the same thing?

YET!!!
In this same day, I made the decision to Not do something for somebody. Not necessarily a friend. The person who wants me to do something for them, for free. The person who has had me do this for them for several years. Without any compensation, or giving back. Except, for the one year, when he made a lot of money, and gave a $100.00. Which I really appreciated at the time. And I didn’t mind all the other years, doing this for him, when he didn’t have anything to give me in returned.

So why do I mind, doing this for him now, for free?

I feel as though he’s using me. He has had seven months to do this. There were times when I was ready to do this for him, had the time, made the appointment, and he didn’t follow through. And it is like this every year. I don’t feel a sense of appreciation, from him.

I know that this is my talent to give. That it is a way in which I contribute to my community. I love to do this for other people, but I dread doing it for him.

If I want to live in more authentic life… Then I have to do those things that make me feel good.

So tonight, I decided that I really don’t want to do this for him. I don’t want to go through this hassle any longer. I want to just cross him off of my to-do list.

The moment I decided to just give back to this person, all of his documents and stuff, rather than expend the time and energy to do this service for him… I felt a lighting of my body.

Now, I just have to give him back as documents, in such a way, that there is no drama. I do not owe him any explanation. I simply have to tell him, “You will have to have somebody else do your taxes.”

Because to create a drama out of this, would not be very authentic. Even though, I am always felt I needed to give an explanation for everything I’ve done. To justify my choices. To make my choices, acceptable to somebody else.

They only have to be acceptable to ME.

Is giving him back as paperwork and not doing his taxes, with no explanation, acceptable to me? Is telling my friend no, and offering her an alternative, acceptable to me?

I don’t know.

OPEN TO TRUST

“When I grip the wheel too tight, I find I lose control.”
— Steve Rapson

WE SEEK TO CONTROL OUR LIVES WHEN WE DO NOT TRUST, WHEN WE DO NOT LOVE. Our ego, perceiving itself to be vulnerable and insecure, uses control in an effort to protect itself.

At the root of our need to control, we find FEAR. It may be fear of the unknown. Fear of not coping. Fear of loss. Or possibly even fear of looking stupid. And as our efforts to control other people and events invariably fail, our fear increases.

Trust, on the other hand, is a quality of the soul. While control is a tool of the mind, TRUST AND FAITH ARE ASPECTS OF THE HEART. Trust comes with the deep knowing that we are spiritual beings in physical bodies. When we trust enough in life to give up our need to control, we can relax and open to the flow of energy in our lives. This brings peace of mind.

“The only real security in life lies in relishing life’s insecurity.”
— M. Scott Peck

There’s that word again.

TRUST

The universe is the funny thing. It seems to remind me of the same lesson, from several different sources. In this case from a good friend, from my weekly emails, like the one above,  and from something that I have begun to incorporate into my life.

I have spoken out, written about, made comments about, for years and years and years, that I don’t trust well. I have felt that I have always had a hard time with it. And the Universe, being such a great thing, and well part of me, conspires to help me grow. In all of my comments and mentioning of not trusting, I am given lessons on how to do just that.

I don’t usually publish stuff on here that is written by others, such as this. This has touched me soooo deeply I couldn’t let it go. I’ve watched it a dozen times in the last few days, since finding it on FaceBook. This woman has written my life. She has been able to put to words my journey, in a way that I haven’t been able too.
My gratitude to you Lucy.

Click this link to find a short movie called “Mine”

He was my comrade. Sinking into the trenches.
I wanted to rescue him…
If that meant bearing his loathing… his insults.
If I could have swallowed his sadness….
I would have.

But I wasn’t his comrade.
I was a prisoner of his war.
Until a friend made me listen (*thank you Elena*)
After 20 years, I made a break for it… (*with my children in tow*)

I am not a casualty of his war.

I am mine.

These words remind me of not “allowing time to soften the edges”. The Ex-husband has been kind lately. He actually said “thank you” to me. I know. I know. Shocking!!!! He has even taken the time to ask about the health of a friend. It makes me remember some of the things about him, that he was capable of. The things that I fell in love with. That made me want to stay by his side, and to heal his demons.

Then I remember. I pause before I fall over the side of that ledge again. I take a deep breath and pull myself back from that very dangerous ledge… of loving him. Of allowing my guard to come down and let him anywhere near that vulnerable part of my self.

I needed Lucy’s words… to remind me of the horrible things that he is capable of. Of the insults. The anger. The nights of fear for my life. The lives of my children. Of the night he was chased down by the sheriff’s dog, and arrested. Of his demons that wanted to kill me alongside of him. To remind me of what is Mine.

And what isn’t.

I was clearing out some old things, in putting things in our new computer desk, that arrived this morning. Bronwyn did such a great job helping, by getting everything off of the old one last night. Piling it all up on the dining room table. Then absconding with the old one, and putting it in her bedroom. 🙂

I was given a painful reminder, in the process.

There among some old holiday cards, Mother’s Day cards, Easter cards, and birthday cards… was the one that my God-mother gave me when I turned 40.

Birthday card0001

She really did have the best sense of humor. I like to think that, with my father’s genes, and my time spent around her, that I gained a little bit of it. She did love to laugh. She had a great smile, that lit up her whole face. All the way up to her eyes.

There are very few years that I can remember, not getting a card from her. Even when we lived in Saudi. It may have been late, but there was always a heartfelt message from my God-mother, honoring my birth.

I was reminded that this year, I won’t get a card from her. There won’t be a funny sentiment about my getting older. There won’t be a gift card for a lunch together. There won’t be small token of something to embellish one of my hobbies. There won’t be that reminder that she loves me.

I tried my best to just let it go… but she was also good at encouraging me to express myself. No matter what the emotion. So I just laid down in my bed, curled up with my pillow and let it all out. It was a good cry. In a brief moment, I thought I could hear her saying, “It’s okay. It’ll get better.”

I have faith that one day it won’t hurt so much to think of her.