Keeping your nose to the grindstone will only get you so far. You’ll never advance if you can’t socialize. Start small, then learn to work the crowd, today.

Even my horoscope is yelling at me. Slow the freak D. O. W. N.

I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m trying.

I am grateful for the boyfriend, who by being in my life, is keeping me from becoming a complete hermit crab. I never thought that I would be the kind of person who wanted to have a set-in-stone, weekly-date-night. But I do. I am really appreciating it right now. Even though not all of our dates are full of romance and passion, with fairy-tale kisses and firework-displays; they are perfectly suited to where I am right now, and what I need.

Last night was the perfect example of this. I had nothing planned, other than him coming over, and cooking a meal, maybe watching some of the TV show that he is introducing me too. He shared with me that he wanted to go out with this group of friends, for pizza. A group that he is slowing getting to know and enjoy their company, and I as well. They are all nice people, and of like-minds; so its nice to get to just be ourselves with them. It was a low-key, outing, where we got to see each other face-to-face, and hold hands, and talk about our days. All the while, sharing some food and good company with nice people.

So, to the Universe – I’m working on it. And Zack is helping. 🙂

My pretty foot.

My pretty foot.

All the way around to my ankle.

All the way around to my ankle.

These were done by Daphne.

Yep. They were among her first attempts at even doing any sort of henna tattooing.

This all came about because of my sweet sister.

At the beginning of our Sisters Retreat Weekend, we are asked to stand up and announce to the Circle who we are, and what we bring to the community. Some women respond with, I’m a massage therapist. Others say, I’m really good at listening. I spoke of my own truths and talents. Daphne’s response was: I’m Daphne, and I’m not good at anything. I don’t have any talents.
😦

My sisters strove to change her mind on that. And Saturday morning one sister asked Daphne to put a mandala on her belly. She, like many of us, know about Daphne’s talent for free-handed drawings of mandalas. She brought some henna and told Daphne to decorate. So she did. After all, even Daphne knows not to speak back to one of her aunts. LoL

Beautiful henna - made even more so by the little boy inside.

Beautiful henna – made even more so by the little boy inside.

I am so grateful to her, and the others, who encouraged my child. To the ones who complimented her talents. To her for decorating my own foot and ankle. I feel so ubber pretty with my decorations. The only direction I gave her was to start at my big toe, and end around my ankle area. I think that she did an amazing job. I am looking forward to more of her talents being displayed upon my body.

At the end of the weekend, we are asked to give our thoughts on our experiences. Daphne said, “I’m grateful that I now know what my talent is.”

((*BIG MOMMA SIGH*))

Good morning Slimey!

Good morning Slimey!

Yes this is what I just found, creeping across the arm of my Grandfather’s chair. The chair that I have placed in my office, for sitting in and relaxing, as I look over pages, read up on new stuff, and plan out my day, week, month.

Obviously I have been “Doing” too much and not “Being” enough. Hence this slimey, creepy-crawler, who is very very slow at moving off of my chair – and doesn’t seem to have any plans for picking up the pace, any time soon – slithered into my path this morning.

He is not the first person to notice this, and bring it up to me. I am getting brow-beaten by my Sweetie into going to bed earlier. It turns out that I am not 19 years old any more, and cannot function in a beauteous way, when I stay up past midnight. Again and again and again and again – for nearly 2 weeks now. (*Please note: Last night I did make it to bed by 10pm – and slept until 7! I clearly needed the rest.*)

I also look back on my Sister’s Healing Weekend Retreat and the ways that Spirit was talking to me, through my Sister’s stories. I see a sweet sister working herself to death. She is suffering physical bodily problems that are directly related to burning the candle at both ends. I watched as another sister, who is Western medically trained, listen to her chest, for signs of heart-attack. I don’t want to work myself into a state where I feel a vise-grip around my chest. I know that she doesn’t either. She is looking into ways to find more balance in her life, between her work, that she loves to do and is very good at – and her home life which is suffering, along side of her body. I can take a lesson from her experiences.

But first: I am going to gently thank Mr. Slimey for the reminder, and carefully put him back outside in the yard – where he belongs. Message received. In gratitude.

grateful vs resentful

I struggle with this one a LOT. More than I would ever like to admit to anyone. I find it hard to be grateful for what people choose to give me, and seem to become resentful towards them, for when they choose to withhold from me.

I can remember resenting my Momma, when she flat-out turned me down, at my offer to have her babysit Rebecca. Rebecca was an infant, and I was a tired brand-new mother. Momma was still working full-time as a teacher. After teaching 135 children all day, coming home to a screaming kid, was not her idea of a good time. I can’t say that I blame her. Yet, I do remember resenting the fact that I had no help in those days.

As the babies kept coming, Daphne just a year later. Then Bronwyn 3 after that. Each time asking my folks if they wanted to attend the baby’s birth, or to be there to help out, I was told, “No thank you.” By the time Russell came along, I didn’t even make the offer. Resentment settled in as I watched them traveling 672 miles to my sister’s side each time she gave birth, yet couldn’t travel the 23 miles to my home.

I used to joke that I could count on 1 hand how many occasions my parents had babysat for my children. 1 hand. That’s less than 5. Over the course of my having 4 children spaced 8 and 1/2 years apart. Yes, there was a lot of resentment built up there.

In recent years though, my parent’s attitude towards grandparenting changed, as well as their commitments towards being teachers of children. They have taken care of my children on so many occasions I can no longer keep the count. I know that it must look strange to outsiders, and feel even stranger to my parents when I gush and gush and gush my gratitude towards them, each time that they help me out. Phone calls, texts messages, even taking one or both of them out for a meal, to show my thankfulness. I know that had I not spent those years being turned down, I would not appreciate it half as much, as I do.

Along with that lesson I think that is why it is so very hard for me to actually ask for things. I’ve become so accustomed to being told, “No.” that I don’t feel, that I deserve very much in life. Instead I find myself just trying to do everything on my own, and having to work twice as hard, because of these chains.

Maybe the lesson isn’t so much as to be grateful for what I get, but to also keep in the forefront of my mind — don’t ask, don’t assume, just accept what you get and be thankful for that.

♋♋♋Daily Cancer Horoscope for 05 August 2015♋♋♋

If you are working closely with someone else or are moving closer, emotionally, to a friend, be mindful that the two of you will not always be on the exact same wavelength. It’s perfectly normal to be off track now and then. An event this afternoon, for example, might send each of you off into different directions, but don’t worry — you will both eventually come back to seeing things the same way. You are likely to be more emotional, while they will be more aloof. This is a good time to retire by yourself to your own private place. You seek and need comfort from the demands of the outside world, and having a pleasant relaxing time at home is probably the best way to accomplish this. Also this is a good time to go inside yourself and look at your attitudes, feelings and emotional orientation toward the world around you. You could do this by trying to bring out into the open those elements of yourself that usually remain hidden within you. But you could possibly become so overwhelmed by these elements that nothing of value will be accomplished. This is not so likely to happen, however, if you make the effort to look inside yourself consciously. People in authoritative positions may delay your work in order to take out personal grudges of the past. And this may be a cause of great concern for you, as it will not only impact the present events but also your future ventures too. At this time, just enjoy the domestic bliss you have and this will evoke greater enthusiasm in you. You may experience certain vague symptoms of a typical illness which has never affected you earlier. By the end of the day you will be able to figure out what it is! Focus on yourself and your personal needs too. In fact this is a wonderful time to groom your own self. Make yourself as much attractive as you can!

Perception.
For some parts of this horoscope yesterday I thought: “Yep, I did that.”
If you based my day based upon the one (1) text message I sent out to a few of my closest friends, then I had a pretty awful afternoon, and evening. No dinner. Loads of stuff to clean up. Errands list a mile long. No help from anyone, but my own two (2) hands and my own funds to get any of it done. I ended up creating domestic bliss in my home, and loving it while I was crossing things off the list that I had written out, in my moments of frustration, of being so alone and not having anyone’s support for me.

For other parts, I thought, “Well, that was totally off base.”
I don’t remember feeling any sort of symptoms of anything. I didn’t have much of an appetite but that is not too unusual, right? Nor do I have a boss who is hampering with my success. I am my own boss. Hmmmmmmmm

Yet, if I were to really look, I can see how 99% of this is correct.
I did get text communications from the people that I’ve known for a long time, who know me the best, and have always had my back. Who love me. Love my brothers to the moon and back! I did have some symptoms of illness – or as I’d like to see it ‘change’. In the end, I noticed that I am was missing the feeling of envy about being alone, at the end of the day. As for my boss, I can see how a new client’s failure to follow-up with what I asked, which has always bothered me in the past about previous employers, may hamper my future success.

I totally failed the last two (2) lines, I looked like crap yesterday. I was not well-groomed. My hair was half-thrown up in a ponytail. The kind that are only half-pulled through at the end, and thus like this bobbing bunch of hair, on the back of my head. Which would have been fine, except that I should have pulled it all the way through one more time, before I did the half-way – so by the time I got to the grocery store, it was falling down my neck, heading towards my butt, at a ferocious rate, and looked like a dead animal, hanging from my head. Which would have been fine, but I ran into people that know. Some of them I’d like to impress. This was not my best-groomed self to present, to the world. They made no comment at all, just greeting me as if I were still wonderful.

I guess its all about perception.

A friend, Darrin, contacted me over the weekend, let me know that he was in need of a Mental Health Day, and did I want to tag along. Hell, Yes!!!

I am all for taking a day off for your mental health. I think that more and more employers should recognize this need and then people wouldn’t need to lie so many times about being ill. Mental health is as important, as physical health. There is even a whole post I could write on the ways in which mental health is closely tied into physical health. “Mind-Body Connection” The internet is full of articles on this; so I won’t add another one. Let’s just say that I not only believe in the phenomenon. I have experienced it. Hell, any woman who has birthed a child into the world, has experienced it.

Darrin arrived on time… (*I love that about a person, j/s*) his transmission down-shifting, as he glided into my driveway at 7:45am, waking up any neighbors who thought that they might sleep in on a summer’s morning. A bit of leg stretch for him, and a bit of double-checking of my home and needs for me… and after stopping to grab a bit of breakfast, to fuel our tanks.

We were packing up, and heading north, for the day’s therapy.

There is something that clears my head about a road trip. The kind that happen in a car. A train. A bike. Doesn’t seem to matter. So long as the pavement is moving beneath me, and the world is passing by; I am clearing out the junk that accumulates in my brain. My thoughts can go from one to another, without stopping. The back n forth. Back n forth. Back n forth, about any, and every subject, that is rattling around in my head. Almost the way that journaling does.

I appreciate that this friend can relate to this need for an open road and a full tank of gas.

Which is sorta funny that we ran out of gas on our journey. Yep. The classic, ran-out-of-gas, story. LoL

Hey, I think its funny. I even thought it was funny at the time. Darrin, not-so-much. He claims that in all of his life, he has never so foolishly run out of gas. Which makes me feel a bit bad for the fellow, though not for the situation we found ourselves in.

We off of the road. Coasted, since the engine stopped, and therefore we had no brakes. I figured that we were about 2.5 miles from Momma and Daddy’s house. So I called them. After I got Daddy to stop being upset at me for not being home, when he randomly stopped by to see me; I got him to confirm that Yes, there was a gas can, that I could use at his home. AND, it had fresh gas in it. 🙂 Score!

We pushed the bike further off of the road. Packed up the gear we didn’t want to haul on our trek. We got about 1/4 mile down the road, several cars and trucks passing us by, when a pair of bikers showed up. They slowed down. Stopped us. Questioned Darrin about the situation:
Was that your Such-n-such back there?
Run outta gas, huh?
Going down for some gas?
Got a tank?

I let them know that my Daddy had a tank, with gas in it, about 2 miles down the road. They offered us a lift down to Daddy’s home. I’m the only one who got on. Darrin decided to go back and stay with the bike. LoL Some men refuse to ride, on the back. Double-LoL

Al, an old-gnarly-seasoned biker, rode me down. I picked his bike, over his friend, John, because he had 2 foot pegs. John had lost one somewhere, and confessed that had he known he would be toting a pretty passenger, he would have made sure that it was on. Al didn’t seem to mind the way that I rode, squeezing with my legs and gently holding his waist with one hand. I’m grateful that my hair was up in a braid. The wind was making it fly around, a lot. I had left my helmet back with the bike, so this was a new one for me.

They patiently waited for me to fetch the gas can, and even rode me back down the road, to Darrin. They were kind to Darrin. Helping his bruised ego. Talking man-to-man; biker-to-biker, in ways that were not condescending; but understanding. They made sure that we were up and running. They even followed us down the road, but weren’t hounding or hovering.

True gentlemen.

I’ve said it before, I will preach it for decades to come – Bikers are some of the BEST people you will ever be privileged to meet, in your life.

I think that this year, I’m just going to let the photos speak for themselves. Although, I refuse to complain about getting older. It beats the alternative.

Aawwww... Even Google wished me a Happy Birthday.

Aawwww… Even Google wished me a Happy Birthday.

Birthday Breakfast with the Baby Girl - even though it cost her 23 laps.

Birthday Breakfast with the Baby Girl – even though it cost her 23 laps.

Took myself out for birthday lunch  -  I  let myself, pick the place and everything.  Sushi!

Took myself out for birthday lunch – I let myself, pick the place and everything. Sushi!

I got presents, and every thing.

I got presents, and every thing.

Fine.  Take my photo... let me get my glasses off, 1st.

Fine. Take my photo… let me get my glasses off, 1st.