I like how this man explained the concept of “Marriage”, from where I grew up. It falls in line with my own thoughts on Love. It simply extends my beliefs to marriage, and how it is a commitment between people. Sometimes the commitment is for a lifetime. Sometimes 30 years. Sometimes 10.

The commitment at its basic, is a daily choice.

matawindstorm

Yesterday my Facebook page lit up with a rainbow of color. Most of my friends have rainbow colored profile pictures. I did not colorize mine, even though I very much support the decision, I simply did not do it.

Where is marriage going? To me I find the legal rights of marriage what all the argument is about, as compared to the religious rights. Anyone can turn a good thing into a bad thing, and others can turn a bad thing into a good thing.

I look at nomadic law, where families traveled around the desert. The men did the hunting and gathering of the food, and the women did much of the work that needed done in the camps. This was done for safety. A man provided for all who lived in his tent, under his roof so to speak, his wife, his children. Each Man had his own…

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april

I found this on FaceBook. A dear friend of mine, who only has sons, was commenting about coaches who use the phrase, “Like a girl.”. Which she felt was insulting to her sons. She is an amazing person, yet this is one thing that we see differently. Unlike her, I am raising both genders of humans. I have to see it from both sides. So while the feminist in me, the one who was for a great many years, only raising one gender, Girls… is thrilled that there is this empowering video of girls and women talking about the phrase.

I stop.

I stop being thrilled when I realize that my son is also hearing these same messages. He is effected as well. Differently. Yet, still effected. He is hearing a message that girls are better in some fashion. Which is exactly what we have been doing to girls for so long, that it has brought about this problem to begin with.

So I say: Take gender out of it. Just erase “like a girl”, or “like a boy”.

Let’s rephrase it to be, “Like You.”

You. A person walking, running, throwing, hitting, playing, talking, thinking, being…. You…. on the planet.

Let You be perfect…. regardless of gender.

I slept odd.
I felt awake all night.
I know that I was dreaming.
But I was aware of the fact that I was dreaming, and was awake at the same time.
The dreams were movable. Changeable. As though my thoughts were telling the dreams what they should be.

I dreamt of people I don’t know very well.  I know them.  But have only talked to them once. And know them more through our posts on Facebook, than actual face-to-face communication.  Which wouldn’t be strange to dream of them, except for what I was dreaming of them.

I dreamed of their Spirit name.  I spoke to them by this name, and not the one that I know them by in reality.  I mean obviously I know them by their Spirit name, in some form of reality, otherwise I wouldn’t have been dreaming about it.

I’ve never even had so much as a short, in-passing even, conversation with them about their spritual views.  Ever. They could be practicing Hindus, or Mormons, for all that I know.  I don’t know much about them, other than the 1 short conversation.  And what they post on Facebook.  They don’t post anything about God. Or list a religion.  I double checked this morning.

Some part of me must recognize some part of who they are.  Maybe something that they wrote on Facebook in the last year. Maybe something that a mutual friend said in passing, at some point. Maybe from a former lifetime.  Who knows.

But then as I was dreaming I was having concerns about why, and how this was happening.  So I was over thinking, even while I was dreaming.

I’m tired this morning.

I don’t usually publish stuff on here that is written by others, such as this. This has touched me soooo deeply I couldn’t let it go. I’ve watched it a dozen times in the last few days, since finding it on FaceBook. This woman has written my life. She has been able to put to words my journey, in a way that I haven’t been able too.
My gratitude to you Lucy.

Click this link to find a short movie called “Mine”

He was my comrade. Sinking into the trenches.
I wanted to rescue him…
If that meant bearing his loathing… his insults.
If I could have swallowed his sadness….
I would have.

But I wasn’t his comrade.
I was a prisoner of his war.
Until a friend made me listen (*thank you Elena*)
After 20 years, I made a break for it… (*with my children in tow*)

I am not a casualty of his war.

I am mine.

These words remind me of not “allowing time to soften the edges”. The Ex-husband has been kind lately. He actually said “thank you” to me. I know. I know. Shocking!!!! He has even taken the time to ask about the health of a friend. It makes me remember some of the things about him, that he was capable of. The things that I fell in love with. That made me want to stay by his side, and to heal his demons.

Then I remember. I pause before I fall over the side of that ledge again. I take a deep breath and pull myself back from that very dangerous ledge… of loving him. Of allowing my guard to come down and let him anywhere near that vulnerable part of my self.

I needed Lucy’s words… to remind me of the horrible things that he is capable of. Of the insults. The anger. The nights of fear for my life. The lives of my children. Of the night he was chased down by the sheriff’s dog, and arrested. Of his demons that wanted to kill me alongside of him. To remind me of what is Mine.

And what isn’t.

I guess if you’re “Poor” you are not allowed to have nice things…. This is what I see on FaceBook.
Posted by people that I love and care about. But who make me sick, when they post things that say “You are Poor… you are not allowed to have nice things.”
Who. (or What?) gives the RICH people the right to decided what Poor People are allowed to have, or not have?
Read all of the comments….
Maybe you’re eyes (and more importantly your heart) will be opened a little bit.

If you Have Food Stamps

Let’s be clear here. I am on Food Stamps.
Yep. Me.
I have 2 jobs – 1 mortgage – 4 kids and very little financial support from the Ex.
I qualify for Food Stamps.
I am grateful for the $253.00 a month that I am allotted to feed my family of 5.
That breaks down to $63.25 a week.
Or $9.04 a day.
Basically $1.81 a person / per day.

Ever see that show on the Food TV, about eating out for as little as $30.00 a day? I think about how there’s no way I could ever spend $150.00 a day on food. I shop for sales. I use coupons. I take donations from my parents, when they go out on vacation, and clear out their fridge. I try growing my own food, in a garden. I’m doing amazing on Sweet Potatoes. Which is good, because 2 of my kids LOVE Sweet Potatoes.

I am not ashamed of my Poor Status by some, because of my qualifications to receive Food Stamps. I got over my guilt a long time ago. I got over it when I remember back to being a child, and my stomach hurting at night; from hunger. I don’t ever want my children to ever wish that there were “more” at dinner. I don’t ever remember there being leftovers when I was growing up, because there was just enough for each of us to have some. Not extra. I know that my own parents grew summer foods, and my dad brought the ‘cheaper’ stuff from the grocery store, where he held his 2nd job. We were not allow to have Food Stamps because he was a teacher, and back then, teachers were prohibited from receiving them.

I appreciate not having to stretch my food budget so far and that allows me to do the nice things for my kids. I do have other budgetary sources for food. I do have the 2nd job after all. Which allows me to buy the wood for a small shower deck. Which allows me to barter for a plumber to install the shower head. Or a great massage, by doing someone’s tax return.

Which also allows me to save up for those special birthday gifts like the newer phone. Which by-the-way, phone companies give you the phone for free, if you agree to pay for the service for 2 years. It may not be the newest I-phone, but a later model. Not to mention, there are Iphones for sale on places like Ebay, and the local pawn shop. A used model, but an Iphone just the same.

So Yes, My kids will have them – AND we are on Food Stamps.

So my birthday is in 5 weeks. I just know that each and every person reading my journal wants to send me gift. Or a card. Or some token of your gratitude that I was born. I appreciate that.

And while I could use some money to help fund the building of my new pool deck (see where we had to tear it down). Or some paint to decorate my gazebo. Or some new cinder blocks for my firepit. Or have a nice new jean style skirt for the summer. I would much rather have this.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bluebird-Farm-Cara-Petricca-Animal-Sanctuary/174555935933285?ref=br_tf&id=174555935933285&sk=app_251458316228

I don’t know if the link will work – but here’s the scoop:

I have had to turn many animals away this season because we simply do not have the money to rehab them. Providing food, shelter and medical care for animals is very expensive. We have to buy specialized formulas, food, and medications that are not available to the public. We pay for animals to have inoculations before they’re released and pay vets out of pocket for medical care. We are not supported financially by the state. The only funding we get is from donations.. if you appreciate what we do and we have helped you in any way please consider sending us a donation.. There is nothing I hate more than turning animals away. Donations can be made via PayPal at bluebirdfarm_sanctuary@gmail.com … Checks may also be sent to 631 Outlook Ave. Cheshire MA 02235 made payable to Cara Petricca

So you know where this is going…. You were right.

I want everyone I know, and don’t know, and their friends, to consider sending $5.00 (or if you have it $10.00) to my friend Taran. Help her to keep on helping the animals. I’m not a pet owner myself… I have been in the past, but not right now; with my present situations. But she is. She is a raccoon whisperer. Seriously.

She’s good at what she does. Mostly by herself. Sometimes she gets her boys to help with things. But she’s a 1-woman show. I’ve seen her work through injury and cold and wet and all sorts of icky-not-for-a-girl-like-me things. I always wondered how she does it. Financially. I thought maybe she had a grant, or some private funding, like her own money from some big inheritance. Nope. Turns out that she is dirt poor… just like most of us. Hence the request for as little as $5.00.

What really gets me is that I only stumbled upon needing funding, by accident. This gal has the biggest heart in the world, and the greatest humility. She happened to comment upon a post, (which I got to see thanks to FaceBook and its weird ways), that was posted by someone who had bought some jewelry from her. She makes her own jewelry too. And crotchets. Did I mention she is amazing? She sold the jewelry to the lady, as a way to raise funds for the feeding and care of the animals on her farm. A completely not-for-profit farm. Because hello, if you’re needing money to feed the animals, you aren’t making money doing this. Yet, she never once made the posts public on her wall. Or in places where a whole bunch of us would see it. (*the humility part*)

So…

I’m putting it out there.

Wanna send me something for my birthday?
Send a donation to Taran. Do it anonymously. Don’t even mention my name. Just do it as a “Birthday Wish”.

Thank you from the birthday girl.