Daphne, J and I talked today about this trip to OH that Daphne wants. She misses Taylor already. Its been a whole 2 weeks. You’d think that her right arm has been taken off. I understand the whole “BFF” thing. I do. I have had those types of friends myself, in my life. I know the void that happens when they move away from you. Especially so far away that you can’t just drive there for a cup of tea, or glass of wine. When they move so far away that even a weekend trip is out of the question. I get it. I do.
But does she have to go now? I mean there are so many things that I don’t think Daphne realizes about her being off in OH. She claims that stress is what causes her to hurt herself. Does she think that there won’t be any stress in OH? That somehow, traveling 900 miles away will suddenly keep her from cutting her skin with sharp objects?
It’s the teenaged sense of immortality, that makes her believe in the magic of things like this. I know it. I was a teenager once. I know, I seem so old, that it was the dark ages, when I was a teenager. After all, we didn’t even have FaceBook, Instagram, or even the internet back when I was a teenager. Let alone cell-phones, to keep us in constant communication with each other. We had to rely on new fangled things, like Answering Machines.
J knows my worries. She is a good therapist; in that she doesn’t dismiss my fears, as irrational, or stupidly over-protective. She may not believe that they are rational, and valid. Yet, she never lets on, or lets me believe that they are anything, but. J and I spoke a bit about it, and she was happy to know that I had my own support system, for getting through this time with Daphne. J is confident that if the things we have agreed upon, are fulfilled, that Daphne will be okay in OH for 5 weeks. That she will make it home, in 1 piece.
Daphne has to complete Three (3) tasks in order for me to buy the tickets. These tasks are not out of the realm of appropriate according to J. J told Daphne that she agrees with my conditions. That they were do-able, and reasonable. At this point, I think that Daphne would agree to just about anything, to get to go to OH for the summer.
1) Daphne has to be back in 34 days. She cannot miss more than 4 weeks of appointments. After the 5th one, she would be required to re-apply for therapy. Meaning, more paperwork. It was a 2 hours process the first time around. I can only imagine what the paperwork would be like for a re-apply.
As well, J feels that Daphne is not cured. She is far from it. The type of therapy that she needs is not something that she can do over the phone, at this point in her healing. She is far enough along, to take a few weeks off; and will be further along, with condition #3.
2) Daphne has to tell Terri about her condition. Straight up. She is at the place in her healing, where she has to lay claim to it, and not be afraid of being honest about her addiction. She has to be able to stand up and be honest with those around her, as well as herself. This is part of who she is, as a person. There can be no hiding it. The more upfront about it, and what it means, to her day-to-day life, the better equipped she is at handling it.
So tonight Daphne and I made a call to Terri.
It was hard, and yet I was so proud of Daphne, at her verbalizing her disorder, out loud. She is such a strong person, my sweet baby.
I was amazed with Terri. Hearing her reaction to Daphne’s confession, made me weep with joy, at her compassion. Not only did she already know, but she told Daphne how proud she was of her, for voicing it out loud. They talked a little about the things that Daphne could do while in OH, to help with her urges. Such as having the baggie of ice in the freezer for those moments when the urge is too much.
The 2nd part of this part of the requirements, is that Terri has a right to know what Daphne is bringing into Terri’s home. It’s extremely important for Daphne’s safety that Terri know what is going on. But more importantly, it’s a sign of respect for Terri.
What made me sure that this would be okay, was Terri letting me know that when she knew what Daphne had, she went to the internet and began to research. She did this of her very own accord. To be better prepared for helping Daphne, and watching for signs. For that emergency situation, if she found Daphne unconscious; she would be able to explain to the paramedics, and get the best help for Daphne.
3) Daphne has to complete five (5) more sessions of therapy before she gets to go to OH. That gives me four (4) more weeks to get used to this idea. To talk it out with my Sweetie. To talk it out with Daphne. To have Daphne do more work, on her healing. Serious work. J and I agree, that if Daphne is not seriously working on her healing, then this won’t happen. We can’t let Daphne go off, if she’s not well enough to make it through. Just having Taylor’s presence isn’t enough. The last cutting, was when Taylor was here.
Having agreed to the terms and conditions of her release to OH… I booked the flights tonight. She leaves on the 18th of June. Which I guess is as good a day, as any. It’s the 20th anniversary of my wedding to her father. So there has to be a little bit of luck in that, right?
After all, that is what lead to Daphne being in my life at all… so, I will take all the luck, I can get, my hand on.. to keep her in it.