Keeping your nose to the grindstone will only get you so far. You’ll never advance if you can’t socialize. Start small, then learn to work the crowd, today.

Even my horoscope is yelling at me. Slow the freak D. O. W. N.

I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m trying.

I am grateful for the boyfriend, who by being in my life, is keeping me from becoming a complete hermit crab. I never thought that I would be the kind of person who wanted to have a set-in-stone, weekly-date-night. But I do. I am really appreciating it right now. Even though not all of our dates are full of romance and passion, with fairy-tale kisses and firework-displays; they are perfectly suited to where I am right now, and what I need.

Last night was the perfect example of this. I had nothing planned, other than him coming over, and cooking a meal, maybe watching some of the TV show that he is introducing me too. He shared with me that he wanted to go out with this group of friends, for pizza. A group that he is slowing getting to know and enjoy their company, and I as well. They are all nice people, and of like-minds; so its nice to get to just be ourselves with them. It was a low-key, outing, where we got to see each other face-to-face, and hold hands, and talk about our days. All the while, sharing some food and good company with nice people.

So, to the Universe – I’m working on it. And Zack is helping. 🙂

PLEASE NOTE:
These are NOT my photos.  I could never take photos this good.
These are from one of the parents, at the school, who is an amazing artist.  And I am so grateful for his talents.

She's got spirit, yes she does. She's got spirit, how about you?

She’s got spirit, yes she does. She’s got spirit, how about you?

My beautiful baby girl.

My beautiful baby girl.

2015 - 2016 Cheer Team.

2015 – 2016 Cheer Team.

Doing what she loves to do.

Doing what she loves to do.

Getting to do this with one of her oldest and closest friends. Icing.

Getting to do this with one of her oldest and closest friends. Icing.

Being part of this group, she's found her niche.

Being part of this group, she’s found her niche.

When I was growing up there were no actual cheerleaders in my schools. Ever. We just didn’t have them. Not when I was in Jr. High, in Saudi because of the skimpiness of the outfits. Never would have been appropriate. Then at Willy we didn’t have them either, because every student was required to be on an actual sports team. Or find a suitable alternative, like volunteering at a local horse ranch; which was equally physically demanding. Ask me how I know. LoL

Thus for me all cheerleader-related knowledge was learned from TV and the movies. Not very realistic, to say the least. I held a notion that cheerleading was a cop-out for doing actual sports. That the girls who choose to do cheerleading were doing so, because they were not capable of the physical work of athletics. I was lead to believe that cheerleaders were ditzy. That was until Bronwyn came into my life – and as she grew up, desired to be a cheerleader.

I did all that I could to redirect her desires into more socially acceptable, actual sporting, real activities. I was fighting a force of nature. Needless to say, I did not win.

My youngest daughter was going to be a cheerleader. Period.

I thought that she would grow out of this along the way. Grow bored with it. Realize that it was just a fluffy alternative.

Nope.

Here we are and my baby girl is on the high school cheer-leading squad.

And here I am being taught that every believe I held about cheer-leading and the girls who choose this, was wrong. Dead wrong.

Cheer-leading is an actual sport. A very physically demanding sport. These girls are as much athletes as the boys and girls that they cheer for, out on the football team. I watch as my daughter limps into a warm shower each night after practice, to ease her sore muscles. She uses all of them. I witness her deftly apply an ace bandage to her left ankle, each day before a game-night, because of the extra strain it takes, when she lifts her childhood playmate, up and over her head.

Did I say that these girls were ditsy? Oh I apologize now. Watching my the expression on Bronwyn’s face, I know that her brain is working over-time, when she is holding Abby up in the air. Concentrating and adjusting her body, to accommodate her teammate’s body, so as not to allow any harm to come to her. Also, these girls are required to maintain a 3.0 or better, to even participate. That’s above the 2.5 for other athletes. Their coach’s rules, not the school’s. These are the smartest girls you’ll meet in the school.

She has found her niche, my Baby Girl. And I’m so proud to watch her jumping, yelling, and encouraging her schoolmates, in their endeavors. On and Off, of the field. She is blossoming into a very out-going young lady, and it is because of her love for cheer-leading.

She’s come a long way from the little girl, who just stood on the sidelines, during the game.

She's come a long way from the little girl, who just stood on the sidelines, during the game.

She’s come a long way from the little girl, who just stood on the sidelines, during the game.

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MYSTICMAMMA.COM : consciousness, spirituality, wisdom, inspiration
SOLAR ECLIPSE New Moon in Scorpio October 23rd 2014~

A Partial SOLAR ECLIPSE / NEW MOON in Scorpio is here on October 23rd 2014. It is at zero degrees Scorpio thus signaling a time of completion and initiation. Scorpio is keen about seeing the truth and if we can be truthful with ourselves about really seeing and releasing our the karmic loops, we have great opportunity to complete some aspect of our lives and begin a new phase. Relationships with others and with Self have great potential for expansion and for breakthrough.
Here are the MYSTIC MAMMA Astral Insights from the our beloved featured astrologers bringing their illuminating wisdom…
First from the insightful CATHY PAGANO from her Wisdom of Astrology:

“This week’s Scorpio New Moon is also a partial solar eclipse, visible in most of North America and eastern Asia. A solar eclipse occurs when the Sun, Moon and Earth align and we see the Moon moving across the face of the Sun.
“This alignment disrupts the usual flow of solar energy, dissolving old energy and behavior patterns so something new can manifest.
“At a solar eclipse, we get to see the planting of the solar seed in the New Moon’s womb, and are therefore more conscious of what the possibilities are for this cycle. As you can see, solar eclipses create extra powerful New Moons, marking times of major endings and new beginnings to an aspect of your life…”
“Scorpio wants us to feel what the right action is to take, and that means seriously looking into the unconscious to understand what we really feel and want out of life. Not what we think we should want. Not what we’ve been told to want. But what we truly desire.
“And that means understanding our feelings of vulnerability and our fears concerning betrayal, violence, rejection and self-worth, and the unconscious defense mechanisms which keep us from our authentic truth.”
“…Scorpio’s strength is that it isn’t afraid of the Dark, and so when the Sun is in Scorpio, it is a perfect time to look at our Shadows and see what we’ve been in fear of, suppressing and repressing.”
“When we can look within and see how those stuck emotional patterns keep us from what we truly want in life, we can consciously choose to shed those old patterns like a snake skin. What may have protected us in the past no longer serves our on-going life and we have to die to an old way of being and acting, to be re-born to a higher level of consciousness.”
“…When we go through dark times, we often feel alone. But Spirit is always helping us, even when we don’t recognize it. Fortunately, for this solar eclipse, we will recognize the touch of Spirit, with Neptune in Pisces forming the closest aspect, a lucky trine (120*), to this super-packed New Moon.
“Neptune in Pisces surrounds us with compassion as we go through our releases, and then gives us a strong hit of imagination to help us create new patterns. What do you want to feel like? How do you want to act with others?
“If you want courage, imagine the goddess Sekhmet guarding you as a magical lioness. If you need self-love, imagine Mother Mary holding you in her loving embrace. If you need to forgive, ask Kuan Yin (she who listens to the sounds of suffering of the world) to open your heart…”
© Copyright 2014 ~CATHY PAGANO. All Rights Reserved

From the wonderful DIPALI DESAI and her Celestial Space Astrology:

“This New Moon/Solar Eclipse in Scorpio has a mysterious and potentially alluring quality to it as it makes a conjunction (team-like aspect) to Venus in Scorpio (the planet that symbolizes love, creative expression and relationships). Get ready to be drawn in and then plummet into the mysterious realm of rich feelings and emotional intimacy in a fresh new way…”
“Taking a closer look at Venus transiting through the astrological sign of Scorpio, the symbolism suggests the potential of profound magnetic quality when it comes to love, intimacy and relationships.
“However keep in mind that with this placement of Venus in the alluring sign of Scorpio, there is also a mystery or at times the high level of control occurring of exposing vulnerability and emotions when it comes to love. Venus in Scorpio does not let just any random stranger in. It is a highly selective process of opening up and taking a chance.
“If there you create a safe, trust filled space, the potential quality of Venus in Scorpio is that it will help you dive right into the all or nothing expression. The potential with Venus in Scorpio connecting to the New Moon/Solar Eclipse in Scorpio is ‘expressing your feelings of tenderness and love is the ultimate strength, enhances trust and will deepen intimacy.’ It is learning to trust yourself, so you are able to more fully trust another.”
“…The New Moon/Solar Eclipse in Scorpio is sure to leave its extreme emotional imprint of new beginnings upon the heart energy. It almost dares each to go into the unknown and expose new parts of self which are waiting in the wings desiring expression.
“There is potential to expand trust and empowerment. For some people, this time period may be a rising up from the symbolic ashes of purification and emerging into a new way of being in intimate relationships (including with self). Feel into the energy of re-birth, resurrection and rising up with empowerment. This is an extraordinary phase, use the potential to its fullest.
“Set your 1 clear intention. Go into your emotional level and ask….what is the next step of empowerment? Plant the symbolic seed or habit within the subconscious and take action to support and nurture it until fruition. “I AM an Empowered Conscious Being” is a wonderful statement to use now.
© Copyright 2014 ~DIPALI DESAI . All Rights Reserved

From the always inspiring KELLEY ROSANO:

“This is the last Scorpio eclipse unit 2032. It is a busy day in the heavens. The Sun and Venus move into Scorpio. Then there is the New Moon…”
“This New Moon Eclipse is at zero degrees Scorpio. This is also a time of completion. Eclipses can place your feet firmly on a new path. The effect can last months and years. As something ends in your life something new will begin…”
“Scorpio rules truth and the emotional truth. Scorpio is one of the most powerful signs in the zodiac… Scorpio is the eagle. The eagle will soar above the drama where many folks are entangled.
“This detachment provides Scorpios the ability to see the big picture. This empowers them to get to the source of the problem…The phoenix is highest level of Scorpio. It is a magical bird. The phoenix rises from the ashes of the past to be born again.”
“…Scorpios are extremely loyal. They love deeply and seek the same in return. They will protect those they love. Wherever Scorpio lands in your natal birth chart is where you want to dive deep into the house issues.
“You are being asked to have a deep involvement. Get to the core of the affairs and understand their meaning for you. There is no greater mystery to solve than the mystery of the real you. Be your own detective and discover you….”
“This is a magical New Moon. The reason is Neptune is in Pisces. It is in harmony with the Sun, Moon and Venus in Scorpio. This is a healing energy. This eclipse could increase your psychic abilities. Pay attention to messages the Universe is sending you. Messages can come from animals, people and your Inner Being.
“This eclipse could expand your creativity. You could see solutions to long range problems. There is a synchronicity to this dynamic. You could be in the right place at the right time. Doors open up for you. Pay attention to your dreams. They could reveal important information for you. Listen to your intuition. It is strong now. The mind can fool you. Your intuition, your gut instincts will never fail you. The body is the messenger. What is your body telling you?”
“…There are no ugly aspects to this Scorpio Eclipse. This is good news. Wherever Scorpio lands in your natal birth chart is where you are completing things. You are also getting a new start here.
“The Scorpio Eclipse may ignite your fears. Embrace your fears. Hug the heck out of these little demons. This will diminish their hold over you. Remember that you are stronger than any problem or challenge that comes your way. Use your inner strength and fortitude to carry you.
“Do not indulge in negative thinking. You cannot afford this luxury. You create more problems for yourself when you allow your mind to be in negative thoughts. The Law of Attraction is matching your energy…Focus on what is working. Focus on the good in your life.Choose love not fear. Be strong. Keep your mind healthy and focused on the positive. This will create what you want. You are a powerful creator. Use your mind to create the life you love and desire.”
“…Communication will get back on track. Yeah! Mercury moves direct on October 25. This will help with relationships and negotiations…”
“Be in appreciation for all the good in your life. Say aloud, ‘Thank you universe for the new opportunities that are now in my life.’ This is a good mantra.”
© Copyright 2014 ~KELLEY ROSANO. All Rights Reserved

From the wonderful DIVINE HARMONY:

“The Dark Goddess features prominently in the Solar Eclipse chart. Mean Black Moon Lilith (BML) is conjunct Dark Moon Lilith and square to Saturn and Ceres in Scorpio. There is some deep, intense, underwordly energy coming up to be addressed and looked at in family dynamics and in how we treat Mother Earth (Ceres is the Earth Mother).”
“…Asteroid Lilith is conjunct retrograde Mercury and opposite Uranus- activating the lower mind/Higher mind opposition that is exact on Saturday when Mercury stations direct. This aspect begs the question ‘What is Truth?’ and further ‘How do I communicate and align with my Truth?’ When Uranus is involved we have wild card energy- so this weekend we’d all do well to expect the unexpected and stay open to sudden shifts, changes and/or unexpected information to come to Light.
“With so much Dark Goddess in the chart- we are asked to face our own shadows and our tendency to express unhealed, unwhole Dark Goddess energy in the form of victim or tyrant. Ultimately the journey with the Dark Goddess is one of empowerment- which comes when we are so deeply anchored within ourselves and within Mother Earth that we know who we are, why we are here and what we need to do with our lives.
“The journey with the DG is not one of ease, but it is one of importance and deep meaning. With her energetic signature all over the chart- we’d do well to acknowledge our place in this journey and see what we can do to further it, rather than get stuck in the muck of our karma and refuse to budge ;)”
“…We all have an area of our chart that this eclipse degree falls…if you happen to have any planets around 28/29 libra to 3/4 scorpio- factor that in when you are thinking about where you are blasting through the karmic glass ceiling- ready to move past what has previously held you back (maybe for lifetimes).This is deep stuff- and powerful astrology- so be sure to use it wisely!”
© Copyright 2014 ~DIVINE HARMONY. All Rights Reserved

© 2010-2013 mystic mamma. All Rights Reserved.

What if I feel like all 3?
I want to be empowered with Self-Love.
I long to Forgive.
I need to courage to Change.

I know that I have it within me to take that leap of faith. To make the changes that will lead me to the next level of growth. That will bring me into a greater level of beauty in all the aspects of my life.

Its taking the first step off of the cliff that freaks me out.

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I am so grateful for my friends. I’m telling you there is nothing, that a good long talk with my besties, can’t be solved in my world. Thank you to Elise and Tim for loving me so well.

So I gotta admit that allowing my children to go and live with their father for a week was hard. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I did NOT have a good night on Thursday night. I wallowed in my shit for hours and hours.

As I sat on the plane to Sac on Friday night I tried to figure out, Why. Yes, I was in a total over-thinking mood, all weekend. Poor Tim and Elise. They do put up with a lot from me, and how I am. I can be real mood-killer.

So, Why would it bother me so much to have the children with Barry this past weekend? When in factual light he and I had already agreed that, he would keep the children not only during his weekend, but also on Sunday, and Monday nights, while I was in CA visiting with Elise and Tim. This was only adding 2 nights on, 1 onto each end. Which again, shouldn’t have bothered me; and normally wouldn’t.

So WHY did it bother me so much?

Context.

Before Barry pulled his “Hyde-personality” and “let’s-pick-a-fight”, routine on Thursday morning, I was fine with the kids over at his home for 4 days. Had he asked me to keep them an extra day, as something nice for him; like when he wanted to take them to the beach for 4 days over the summer… I would have said: “Sure. Why not. That would be great. Easier on the kids. I wouldn’t worry about them being home for a few hours on Tuesday night when I arrived home late from the airport.”

But that is not how it went down.

Instead, it was “I’m going to take you to court and sue you for joint-custody of the kids. 50 / 50 so I don’t have to pay any child support. You’re keeping the kids away from me.”

Other than him taking me to court, nothing is further from the truth. Which I pointed out to him, in a conversation about how I don’t enforce our current agreement to the letter. Ever. AND HE AGREED WITH ME.

So why the drama?

Context.

When its me just being nice to him, he doesn’t like it. Why doesn’t he?
I am not him. I won’t speak for him.
I have my theories. Elise has her’s. Tim has his. I have mine. The gal in the check-out line at the Publix has her’s. Every one has their opinion.
Opinions are like assholes, every one has one. And they all stink.

When it comes down to it, I like to be in control. When Barry pushes my buttons this way, bullies me into doing something; I don’t like it. Even if it was something that I was going to do anyways. Its the fact that he bullied me into it. That I felt threatened, and scared of him, once again. Like I was backed into a corner; and did whatever I could, to keep him from hurting me worse, than he was already doing. I followed the ‘fear’ line of thinking. And I let it drag me right down the rabbit-hole on Thursday night.

Hook – Line – and Sinker.

So after talking to J, the girls’ therapist, I’m going to give Daphne what she wants. I’m going to let her move-in with her dad.

After all, I will be out of town this weekend, till Tuesday. I can add on tonight, and make it nearly a week long thing for them all.

Oh yes. Them all!

A few things about this that came up in talking with J.

1) Baggage goes with you.
Is that Daphne (and her dad) have got to learn that her baggage is going to follow her, wherever she goes. Life doesn’t get easier just because you move away from home. You still have to find ways to cope with your life. You still have to learn how to express your emotions. You still have to do your homework. No matter where you live.

Sure its going to be easier when there is nobody around to hold you accountable, right up front. Yet, it will catch up to you all the same. Usually though by not dealing with it, in the beginning, you end up having to deal with a much worse situation. Call it Karmic Interest.

2) Your siblings get to move out too.
Oh yes. Rebecca, Bronwyn, and Russell all get to come along. Its not fair to them, if Daphne gets to go live a live of luxury over at Dad’s place, and they still have to eat green beans for dinner. I’m not going to sit here and defend the idea that somehow she gets to have special privileges of no Study Hall, no curfew, fast-food take-out, no laundry duty, no chores, and no accountability for where you’re at, or who you’re with; if the others don’t.

The EX complained that he doesn’t get to spend time enough with the kids, well here you go. Which is a complete falsehood, because it is rare, to non-existent that I ever deny him, or them, time together. He even admitted this to me during our “conversation” this morning. AND again, when I brought it up, while we were having an additional “conversation” about this Trial Week.
Me: At any point do I force the current child-time-share agreement?
Ex: No.
Me: Have I ever told you that you were late in bringing the kids home on a Sunday?
Ex: No.
Me: Have I ever told you, No you can’t have the kids, and take to the beach; because that is on a weekday?
Ex: No.

3) Living at Dad’s means Living AT Dad’s.
No coming home 9 times in a day because you forgot something. No coming back to the house to sleep on school nights. Yes, Rebecca and Daphne do this. They pick and choose where / when they will sleep at home, vs sleeping at Dad’s. They don’t like having to walk the extra 7 blocks to the school bus in the mornings. But sleeping here at home, when I’m not here; is basically not living with either parent. Its living alone. They don’t get to do that during this Trial Week.

Living there means following all of Dad’s rules. If that means going to bed at midnight, or sleeping on the floor, or having to throw out the trash. So be it. I will not be driving by your Dad’s with fast food, because you didn’t like what he was serving. Oh, he does this to me, all the time. He will simply come by the house with a bag from Taco Bell, as I’m serving dinner.

So this will be a very interesting 6 nights. I know, I know, I know – a week is 7. Be grateful for the 6 days, I’m not sure I can handle more than that. I’m trying.