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Keeping your nose to the grindstone will only get you so far. You’ll never advance if you can’t socialize. Start small, then learn to work the crowd, today.

Even my horoscope is yelling at me. Slow the freak D. O. W. N.

I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m trying.

I am grateful for the boyfriend, who by being in my life, is keeping me from becoming a complete hermit crab. I never thought that I would be the kind of person who wanted to have a set-in-stone, weekly-date-night. But I do. I am really appreciating it right now. Even though not all of our dates are full of romance and passion, with fairy-tale kisses and firework-displays; they are perfectly suited to where I am right now, and what I need.

Last night was the perfect example of this. I had nothing planned, other than him coming over, and cooking a meal, maybe watching some of the TV show that he is introducing me too. He shared with me that he wanted to go out with this group of friends, for pizza. A group that he is slowing getting to know and enjoy their company, and I as well. They are all nice people, and of like-minds; so its nice to get to just be ourselves with them. It was a low-key, outing, where we got to see each other face-to-face, and hold hands, and talk about our days. All the while, sharing some food and good company with nice people.

So, to the Universe – I’m working on it. And Zack is helping. 🙂

Good morning Slimey!

Good morning Slimey!

Yes this is what I just found, creeping across the arm of my Grandfather’s chair. The chair that I have placed in my office, for sitting in and relaxing, as I look over pages, read up on new stuff, and plan out my day, week, month.

Obviously I have been “Doing” too much and not “Being” enough. Hence this slimey, creepy-crawler, who is very very slow at moving off of my chair – and doesn’t seem to have any plans for picking up the pace, any time soon – slithered into my path this morning.

He is not the first person to notice this, and bring it up to me. I am getting brow-beaten by my Sweetie into going to bed earlier. It turns out that I am not 19 years old any more, and cannot function in a beauteous way, when I stay up past midnight. Again and again and again and again – for nearly 2 weeks now. (*Please note: Last night I did make it to bed by 10pm – and slept until 7! I clearly needed the rest.*)

I also look back on my Sister’s Healing Weekend Retreat and the ways that Spirit was talking to me, through my Sister’s stories. I see a sweet sister working herself to death. She is suffering physical bodily problems that are directly related to burning the candle at both ends. I watched as another sister, who is Western medically trained, listen to her chest, for signs of heart-attack. I don’t want to work myself into a state where I feel a vise-grip around my chest. I know that she doesn’t either. She is looking into ways to find more balance in her life, between her work, that she loves to do and is very good at – and her home life which is suffering, along side of her body. I can take a lesson from her experiences.

But first: I am going to gently thank Mr. Slimey for the reminder, and carefully put him back outside in the yard – where he belongs. Message received. In gratitude.


So first off – they are lonely places. High up, away from the rest of the world, they are colder usually than down on the ground. There’s never enough room to fit more than one (1) person, so it gets sorta lonely up there. Its boring too. Nothing to do but really sit there, and try not to fall off.

The second part is that they hurt when you do fall off. And you’re gonna fall off. Eventually everyone falls off the pedestal that they’ve been put on. You can’t stay up there forever. Something is bound to happen that throws off the balance that you are keeping, in trying to stay up there on the damn thing. Oppsy-Daisy, we all fall down. When falling down off of the pedestal, not only do you get hurt – but generally you manage to smack into the person who put you up there to begin with.

I got smacked in the head this morning. And it hurt.

Lonely vs Alone

Lonely vs Alone

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

I have been in a room filled with people and felt lonely. There being no connection to a single one of them. Not eye-contact. Not physical touch. Not a kind word. Just buzzing that goes around and around and around… with all of it bouncing off of me, instead of penetrating my soul. Lonely.
With a room full of people that I like.
With those that I’m related too.
Even those that are supposed to love me.

I have been out in the middle of the world, without another human around and felt voluminous. Though there is not a soul in sight, I have felt full of other peoples’ presences. All of my senses filled with sounds, sights, tastes, smells, and touches… all of it permeating my spirit. Surrounded.
With a just another single soul.
With my family around me.
Even with people I’ve never even met before.

This seem like an improbability. A contradiction. An anomaly. How could I feel alone in a crowded room, yet feel so complete without another human around for miles? What is it about some people that seem to drag me down and make me feel as if I don’t exist in the world. Yet thinking of the right person will make me feel so alive and vibrant.

There must be a correlation between Orendas. When we meet those that are vibrating on the same level as our own, then that connection can occur. That feeling of oneness. That wholeness. That connectedness. Which then, in opposite reaction, when we meet those who are vibrating at a different level than our own, we feel Alone.

If we are to grow and become a better spiritual wholeness, then we must find ways of bridging this gap. So that none of us feel this loneliness. I wish that I could fix it. I can’t. I haven’t figured it out yet, myself.

I’m working on it.

I found this on FaceBook. A dear friend of mine, who only has sons, was commenting about coaches who use the phrase, “Like a girl.”. Which she felt was insulting to her sons. She is an amazing person, yet this is one thing that we see differently. Unlike her, I am raising both genders of humans. I have to see it from both sides. So while the feminist in me, the one who was for a great many years, only raising one gender, Girls… is thrilled that there is this empowering video of girls and women talking about the phrase.

I stop.

I stop being thrilled when I realize that my son is also hearing these same messages. He is effected as well. Differently. Yet, still effected. He is hearing a message that girls are better in some fashion. Which is exactly what we have been doing to girls for so long, that it has brought about this problem to begin with.

So I say: Take gender out of it. Just erase “like a girl”, or “like a boy”.

Let’s rephrase it to be, “Like You.”

You. A person walking, running, throwing, hitting, playing, talking, thinking, being…. You…. on the planet.

Let You be perfect…. regardless of gender.

Isn’t that what Mrs. Reagan was trying to teach me back in the 4th grade? I can remember her on the TV, in the cafeteria, with her red pencil skirt, white blouse and that really big froompy blue bow; spouting off to us kids how we should “Just say No” to drugs. Don’t I wish it was just drugs I had to say no, too.

I feel overwhelmed and need a break. A good long ride on a motorcycle. A good long day with the wind in my face, and the sound of thunder under my feet. A good long day with nothing but a rider, who will keep me safe and not ask me to talk about it all.

What I got today though was not those things, but another man who just wanted an easy fuck. Well maybe not an easy one, but a gal to date. I wanted a ride – he wanted a girlfriend.